So I have a theory, a sock theory.
Do you ever wonder why your christmas memories are filled with getting socks as a gift and you wondered why you didn’t get the barbie/matchbox that you asked Santa for?
Do you ever wonder why you can only ever find one matching sock when you need both?
Do you ever wonder why when folding the washing you only get three socks and the other one has disappeared?
My theory is that they, socks, have access to a parallel universe where people keep finding extra socks all the time, or that the socks wear humans. That the socks have minds of their own and can choose when would be the best time to make the owner insane, and laughs at the owner as they madly search everywhere for them.
If my theory is correct…Socks are evil.
If my theory is correct then we need to hunt down the Queen, who I only assume looks like the garbage patch from Fraggle Rock, and take her out. Her body guards most likely look like a mix between a Wookie and Jar Jar Binks, and her babies all look like pokemon characters.
The white socks are the worst, they are the only ones who know where the queen lives – they eat everything in their paths so beware and approach with caution.. they will need to be soaked and tumbled around many times before they give you any information, but usually this will result in many gaps in their memory.
They will attempt to attack us by using their special ‘static’ abilities when we go to war with them.. but do not be fooled, this is easily disarmed and is mentioned on page 57 on the handbook that you will receive before we go to war. Don’t get me wrong.. times will be tough, feet will be cold.. but it will be worth it. They NEED to learn who runs this world.
For now, we must band together and offer support to one another and come to the realisation that these socks are here to start war on earth with their feet dwelling owners, and burn all our socks, make sock puppets out of the leftover socks or sew socks on to our pants. It is the only way.
Take THAT you socks!we WILL sock it to you!
So next time you receive socks for your birthday.. be mindful of the fact that the person giving them to you has probably endured years of torture by these evil evil beings.