If you think you already try and protect those close to you before having a baby, that protection feeling multiplies 200% after birth.
Any sticky situation feels like 200% worse, that step down to your backyard resembles a cliff now and that car that whips around the corner when you have a green light signal to cross – it gives you the impulse to sprint after the car and pull a few signals yourself.
I live on the 23rd floor… when I was pregnant I could go out on our deck for short bursts to wash our windows/water the plants.. but now I am petrified of our deck/never open the door, and constantly have bad thoughts about it as much as I try and push it out of my head.
This feeling to protect isn’t just all about physical stuff like tables/cupboards/locations/transport it also changes the way you think about your friends. Most of your friends you’ll be able to decipher if they’re true friends pretty quickly, but there are a few that linger that you’ll need to cut otherwise there can be emotional damage, but the ones that remain and are true friends will soon become like family to you, and your possessive/protective circle extends outward for them.
I also find that I come second priority .. My boys come first – Muck with them…. and you’ve got an enemy in me. No one messes with my boys!
I’m finding that I have moments of weakness and moments of strength with situations directed at me.. sometimes people might say something that might seem/is nasty but I wont take it on board, will walk away and protect my boys from it happening again, and other times it will destroy me as I was prepared/didn’t know I needed to protect myself from whats coming.
A couple months ago now a ‘friend’ that was lingering that I was hoping to include in my circle as I really enjoyed their company, trusted them and trusted them with my family – sent me an email from out of the blue. This email came at a time that I was already weak and home sick and it shook me to the core and has made me question myself ever since. For my TRUE friends out there… they know me well.. i’m a friend that would act like a family member, offer food, bed, company whenever it is needed, be on the phone with them for half an hour providing support before they break up with their last ever boyfriend, care packages, but more importantly that I can be their rock if they ever need it, and I’d like to think they would do the same for me. I have never questioned myself as I have been very confident with who I am. Usually I would have shrugged it off and got on with things.. but now I feel like i’m constantly offending people when i’m not. My strength in that sense will come back in time, and for now I will revolve myself around people who I care about/care about me.
Possessiveness/protectiveness is there for everyone…. but try having a baby and you’ll want to protect them from all the crap in the world, and then some!
I have come to realise – feeling bad is helped by mooshfacing with your wee one/s 😀